Participant number 4 recalls her first memory of love to be the moments in her childhood when her mother would get her ready for school. She narrated how, still today, mornings are difficult, and she cannot become functional until later during the day. Her mom, with kindness and care, would help remind her the importance of education and the importance of getting up early to start her day, while the participant was still half asleep. She then connects to Participant 3’s narration around physical affection – saying that her own family is also “clingy” and because of this she understands herself to be clingy too. The participant makes notice of how culturally this has been something she saw might not be normal across the board since her partner, who is not Dominican, sometimes does not understand her way of expressing love. She makes it clear that she also believes that there is an urgency and necessity of expressing love in the moment and being vocal with feelings since “you never know what is going to happen later”.
Original language transcription
(0:04:25) Participant 4: Ehh[..] yo no creo que haya pensado eso antes.
(0:04:28) Pero lo único que me vino a la mente rápido era cuando me taban cambiando pa’ ir al colegio. I’m not a morning person. Eso significa que hasta las 11 de la mañana yo todavía no toy despierta.
(0:04:37) Yo me acuerdo mi mama dándome besito’, como, quitando el mosquitero y dándome besito’ -Mi amor, hay que cambiase – quenoseque- Vamua suapiate, que mediecita- un biberón de leche- yo acota, a mi me cambiaban pa ir al colegio.
(0:04:51) [Laughs]
(0:04:53) Y en el proceso era así (mom saying)– Que te quiero mucho, que tamo haciendo eto porque e’ importante que tu tenga una educación, porque hay que levantarse, vamo’ mi niña- quenoseque.
(0:05:03) Depue’ (mom saying)– Vamo ayúdame a levantar tu hermana – yo durmiendo. O sea, mentalmente durmiendo.
(0:05:14) Pero cada ve que mami me cambiaba, y nosotro’, yo tengo una relación bien cerca con to lo que afecto físico y comida buena [..]
(0:05:28) Siempre era así. Everything was good. O sea, era en la casa de mi abuela ehh [..]
(0:05:36) Yo taba chiquita, porque nosotro viviamo aquí un tiempo en Nueva York, y depue no mudamo pa allá (RD) de nuevo y como mami no tenia todavía todo seteado, viviamo en casa de mi abuela.
(0:05:45) So, entre mi abuela siendo una abuela, spoiling the shit out of me, y mami que es extremadamente afectiva, yo soy extremadamente afectiva.
(0:05:56) O sea, lo que tu taba diciendo (Participant 3) toel mundo encima, to el mundaso, that’s me.
(0:05:58) Y en el presente como afecta eso en como yo percibo el amor, e’ como, tu tiene que demostrar ahora mimo que tu siente porque tu no sabe que va a pasar.
(0:06:12) Y mi relación actual, es transcultural. O sea, yo no estoy con un dominicano. Al principio había mucha cosa que eran como rara para el.
(0:06:24) [Laughs] [Overlap]
(0:06:30) Que ahora, que pa mi eran como que: Como así?
(0:06:36) [Laughs] [Overlap]
(0:06:38) Entonce, e como que: Así e que yo demuetro el amor. O sea; I’m loud, I’m physical. Y a mi no me importa que sea en la calle, que sea en la casa, que sea donde sea, donde yo lo siento ahí e que yo lo hago.
(0:06:53) Y e como que, hay gente que se infartan. Y, Im sorry for them, but that’s the way I am.
Translation:
Ehh[..] I don't think I've thought that before.
But the only thing that came to mind quickly was when they were changing my clothes for me to go to school. I'm not a morning person. That means that until 11 o'clock in the morning I'm still not awake.
I remember my mom giving me a little kisses, like, taking off the mosquito net and giving me a little kisses –“Honey, you have to get changed” – blablabla- “Let’s bathe you, put your little socks”- a bottle of milk- and still I would be sleeping- they changed me to go to school .
And in the process it was like this “That I love you very much, that we are doing this because it is important that you have an education, because you have to get up, come on, my girl- blablabla.”
And after “Come on, help me get your sister up” – me sleeping. I mean, mentally sleeping.
But every time my mom got me ready to go to school, and we, I have a very close relationship with all that physical affection and good food [...]
It was always like that. Everything was good. I mean, it was at my grandmother's house ehh [..]I was little, because we lived here for a while in New York, and then we moved back there [DR] again and since my mom didn't have everything set up yet, we lived at my grandmother's house.
So, between my grandmother being a grandmother, spoiling the shit out of me, and mommy being extremely affectionate, I am extremely affectionate.
I mean, what you were saying (Participant 3) everyone on top of each other, every single person being clingy, that's me.
And in the present, how does that affect how I perceive love- it’s like, you have to show me right now how you feel because you don't know what's going to happen later.
And my current relationship is cross-cultural. I mean, I'm not with a Dominican. At first there were a lot of things that were kind of weird for him.
That now like, that for me they were like: What does that mean?
So, it's like: This is how I show love. I mean; I'm loud, I'm physical. And I don't care if it's on the street, at home, wherever it is, wherever I feel it there I showcase it. And it's like, there are people who have a heart attack because of that. And, I'm sorry for them, but that's the way I am.