Participant #2 starts her narration being clear that her memory is not the best. A quick intervention by participant #6 is heard - trying to make sense of why participant #2’s memory might be limited. After this, the narration continues – Participant #2 let us know that her general understanding on what is love comes from the actions and decisions her parents made in regards to giving the best life possible to her and her sister. She talks about how their parents had to stop pursuing their graduate studies because their priority shifted once they were born. Even if she does not understand the position in general – she tells us she is not thinking about having children of her own- she sees that as what love should be. She tells us that her understanding is that of sacrifice and collective ownership; but says it has been unsuccessful for her since men usually do not have the same understanding of mutual sacrifice.
Original language transcription
(0:07:02) Participant 2: Ehh, yo tengo una memoria bastante mala. Así que yo no voy a (…) yo no tengo, yo no me acuerdo de lo que paso ayer.
(0:07:10) [Laughs] [Overlap]
(0:07:11) Así que no puedo decir que a lo doce, que uh que ah, pero (…)
(0:07:15) Participant 6: Yo no creo que, como tu define que algo e malo o bueno, tal vez es selectiva tu memoria.
(0:07:29) [Laughs] [Overlap]
(0:07:29) No, miermana, e que yo no me acuerdo de na. Te toy diciendo que tu me puede preguntar que que yo hice ayer y yo no te puedo decir.
(0:07:35) Pero yo si tengo como que una idea general de el amor basado en mis padres. Yo he tenido una suerte increíble con mami y papi, que han sido personas que han dejado todo por mi hermana y yo.
(0:07:48) Mi mama me tuvo a mi cuando ella tenia 24 años. Y yo tengo 30, y yo no quiero tener hijos, y yo no me imagino… yo no me imagino a los 24 que me hubiera puesto en esa situación y yo hacer lo que hicieron los dos, que fue literalmente dejar todo.
(0:08:04) Los dos estaban en la escuela, ehh, en la universidad. Papi taba haciendo un PhD ya, y mi mami un Master’s. Se soltó todo para mi y mi hermana.
(0:08:06) Aquí viviendo ello primero empezaron en el Bronx, depue se mudaron pa’ Washington Heights, depue no mudamo, duramo años mudandono de lugar en lugar, ellos buscando trabajo en áreas que ellos sabían que eran de buenas escuelas pa’ que mi hermana y yo no podamo educar, pero eso significaba siempre, tu sabe, estar culturalmente aislado y ello siempre sacrificándose para ponernos a nosotras dos donde era.
(0:08:23) Y como eso me ha afectado a mi? Yo quizás, ellos no son muy afectivos físicamente, ni yo tampoco. Pero yo entiendo que para la gente que tu ama tu hace lo que sea por ellos.
(0:08:36) Lo cual no ha sido muy exitoso en mi relaciones porque la mayoría de la gente no son así.
(0:08:42) Entonce tu te mete con un hombre, y ello ven que tu quiere hacer lo que sea por ello, tu te sacrifica sin preguntar desde el principio.
(0:08:52) Lo cualto son de lo do, el tiempo es de los dos. Las cosas que hay que hacer, lo problema de ello son de uno, y ello no hacen lo mismo por uno.
(0:08:58) Y, pero na, ese e my gold standard, como dicen aqui. Se supone que eso e lo que tu tiene que encontrar. Y un amor que no sea familiar e bueno si es una persona que te trata así. Que todo lo tuyo e de ello también. Me entiende? Y es como que ese sacrificio mutuo.
Translation:
Ehh, I have a pretty bad memory. So I'm not going to (...) I don't have, I don't remember what happened yesterday.So I can't say that at twelve, that uh that ah, but (...)
Participant 6: I don't think that, as you define something as bad or good, maybe your memory is selective.
No sis, I do not remember anything. I'm telling you that you can ask me what I did yesterday and I can't tell you.
But I do have a general idea of love based on my parents. I have had incredible luck with mom and dad, who have been people who have left everything for my sister and me. My mom had me when she was 24 years old. And I'm 30, and I don't want to have children, and I can't imagine... I can't imagine at 24 that I would have done if I were in that situation and I would have done what the two of them did, which was to literally leave everything.
They were both in school, erm, in college. Daddy was already doing a PhD, and my mom a Master's. It they stopped everything for me and my sister.
While living here they started in the Bronx, then they moved to Washington Heights, then we moved, we spent years moving from place to place, looking for work in areas that they knew had good schools so that my sister and I could get a good education, but that always meant, you know, being culturally isolated and that meant always sacrificing themselves to put the two of us where we had to be.
And how has that affected me? I am maybe, they are not very emotional physically, nor am I. But I understand that for the people you love you do whatever it you have to do for them.
Which hasn't been very successful in my relationships because most people aren't like that.
So, you get in with a man, and they see that you want to do anything for them, you sacrifice yourself without asking from the beginning.
Money is owned by both of you, time belongs to both of you. The things that have to be done, the problems they have become one's own, and they don't do the same for you.
And, well, that is my gold standard, as they say here. That's what you're supposed to find. And a love that is not familial is good if it is a person who treats you like this. That everything that is yours is also theirs. Do you get me? And it's like that mutual sacrifice.